Today I adulted quite nicely. Had a pleasant coffee date this morning. Got the name changed on the house deed. Filed an application for some help with the house. Switched phone companies. Acquired a debt card from my credit union finally. Cut my Comcast bill in half by removing the TV stations I was not using. Got a new screen protector on my phone. Did laundry. Changed my bedding. Wrestled with the kitten. What more could a girl ask for?
I got favor everywhere I went. I knew the Lord was with me. I usually don’t do well doing all of those things alone, yet I did them all in one day. Each day that I am single I feel the Lord giving me more confidence and building my self esteem. I am beginning to learn I can make it without my dad as a back up or a husband to help. I am learning that I am enough. I am capable. And I am certainly not alone.
I have gone through some very difficult things in the last year. I often felt alone. Neglected. Left to fend for myself. Rejected. Unloved. Forgotten about. Unworthy. Frightened. Unsure. Unwanted. I stare at the massive mountain in front of me and scream. Scream to no one but God.
I don’t know what lies ahead. I’m not sure how God will move this mountain but I know He will. I have never felt like this before in my life. It is like everything is just “up in the air”. I don’t know if I should plan a vacation for the fall. I don’t know whats next for the house. I don’t know if love is right around the corner. I just don’t know and that can make a person uneasy.
Let me tell you what I do know:
GOD IS GOOD
GOD IS FAITHFUL
GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE ME
GOD IS WITH ME
GOD IS FIGHTING MY BATTLES
I JUST NEED TO BE STILL
“Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make.”
Proverbs 3:5 TPT