Today may have been a normal October day for most, for me though it was a closing of a season. As I sat in the enclosed porch of my rented cabin today looking over the lake which sprawled out before me and just watching the leaves fall into the lake I felt I was closing the book on a season of my life.
As I sat there listening to the wind and watching the waves I began to realize that just like the physically changing seasons from winter to spring to summer to fall we as people go through the same things. Some seasons are harsher than others. Some seasons bring refreshing, Some seasons make it feel like we are in the fire. Some seasons are just for rest.
Being recently divorced for the second time in my life I find myself rather enjoying life. I am discovering I can travel on my own. I can do things at my own pace without wondering if the other person is even enjoying whatever we are doing. When my husband left me in June I have to admit I was terrified. I have never in 49 years of my life been alone. Now my parents are gone. My husband is gone. My children have their own lives. That just leaves me.
I still don’t know for sure how long this feeling will last. I simply want someone to share this journey of life with. I can say all day long right now that this single life isn’t all bad. I am only responsible for me. If I want to buy the t-shirt at the gas station I can. If I want to spend four hours of my day exploring the lake shore in the wind looking for rocks I can. But here I am at the end of the day far from home and alone.
As I sit here in the cabin still listening to the wind and worship music I feel empty and full at the same time. I am wondering what my next season will be. I should be completely satisfied with my life right now. I get to make my own choices. I get to pick what I want for dinner every night. I can go watch a movie if I want. I can turn the music up in my car and not worry about it. I can dance like nobody is watching because they’re not. So many benefits to the single life…but yet.
Now don’t get me wrong I have rather enjoyed this trip other than this terrible head cold and the sketchy drive in the rain and dark yesterday. Tomorrow is a slow drive back home in one of the most beautiful places of Michigan. I can stop wherever I want to on the way back. Of course there will be more rock hunting along the lake shore as I have not found a Petoskey stone yet. I have more pictures to take and beauty to see. So much to do in this new season.
Today I closed the door on a season. I have decided it is time to stop checking in on my past. I unfriended someone on Facebook today that is no longer needed in my life. I don’t need to know what he is up to or if he is happy or whom he is dating. That’s last seasons news. I am moving onward even if it is by myself for a season. I know God has amazing things in store for me, like the smore I am about to make 🙂
“Choose to do what makes you happy even if it doesn’t make sense to the rest of the world. Enjoy the season you are in!”