Protecting the Heart

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

I have been dealing with picking up the pieces of a shattered heart for a long time.  Piece by piece, shard by shard.  The more I tried to put the pieces back together by myself the less sense they made.  Finally I came to a place of surrender where I just let God start putting me back together.  It has been in that mode of surrender that I have been loved back together in such a way I cannot deny it was all God.

While I was separated from my husband I had sworn off men.  I was going to just stay married and if nothing came of it then I would just do it all on my own.  Being alone wasn’t so bad, I did know how to take care of myself.  I made enough money so I could live on one income.  My kids were almost out of the house, I could do this living on my own thing.  I have been a very determined person from the get go and nothing was about to change.  It’s funny though how God works.  As I mentioned in yesterdays blog, God often gives us what we need before giving us what we want.

In the process of picking up my shattered heart, I realized a small part was missing and I feel we all have this little, tiny piece of our hearts hidden so deep somewhere that no one is ever going to get a hold of it or even see it.  We hide this piece from everyone, even God because we feel it is the one thing we can lock away and protect so that we will never be completely violated or broken.  A part taken apart from the whole heart.  Why do we lock this part of us away?  Because we get hurt over and over again by circumstances and people in our lives and we go into protection mode.  We want a little piece of us to remain untouched, unmutilated, unbroken or exposed to any sort of pain.

When God started to bring John into my life, I thought nothing of it.  He was a friend, a man after God just like me.  We only saw each other a handful of times in the span of year as we attended church together.  It blew me away as I stood there and watched God just work our hearts together.  I did not understand at first and we kept giving God our relationship until He finally got through to us that we were meant to be.  Now, we have gone through some pretty hefty trials in a short span of three months and tonight was a really eye opener for us both.

While pouring ourselves out to each other, we decided to unlock, unwrap and let loose that tiny, little piece of our hearts that we had been protecting.  We are both finally at a point in our relationship where nothing else matters but what God is about to do in our lives.  Was it hard to open that lock?  You betcha!  What did it take?  Complete, full trust in God.  Not trust in John, but God.  I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, God is the reason for me even standing here 54 days away from marrying a man again.  I can assure you I did not want a man in my life, yet God knew what I needed and now that He has given me the man of God I did not even know I needed, I want John to be forever in my life, serving God and ministering with me.

Are you ready to unlock that hidden piece in you?  Do you trust God enough to give it to Him?  Do you have enough faith in God’s protection to share it with your spouse?  It could be the one thing that changes your very relationship.


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