Psalm 33:22
Let Your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in You alone.
Psalm 36:10
Pour out Your unfailing love on those who love You; give justice to those with honest hearts.
Three years ago I was sitting in a hospital room on my daughter’s 15th birthday watching my husband of 17 years cling to every heartbeat. As I watched him labor for his next breath, I was consumed with this overwhelming need for a rescue. I had been married to a drug addict for way too long. I had married this man under the assumption that I could “fix” his drinking problem. I was going to end up with the best husband ever when I was done “fixing” him. How could I have become so deceived? Want to know why? Because I needed love and a way out of my house. Because I was eager to start a family and have the “perfect” American lifestyle. Because I was so broken already before I even entered the actual marriage that I could not see how crazy it was of me to think I could “fix” anything in another human being.
Now I stand in awe at what God has brought into my life. I will try to make a long story short, and give just a few details. About 3 months ago while I was on vacation, I began to cry out to God about my marriage. I had been standing, waiting and praying for over three years for my husband to do three things: Find God in his life, get a job and keep it and lastly to be drug and alcohol free. These were the three things I required before I could even consider counseling or the idea of rebuilding our very broken marriage. During those three years we had no contact…no phone calls or visits. God had us separated for His purposes. In that three years nothing changed, in fact he is now facing prison time.
After he showed up drunk to my daughter’s open house in August, I really began to seek God for answers. What am I waiting for? When will he find his way back to God? Will my marriage ever be restored? As I was blasting all of these questions at God, I heard Him clearly say, “I promised you the restoration of your family, not your marriage.” Stopped me dead in my tracks. What did He just say? In the next few moments I felt a release come over me and I felt in my heart of hearts that I had been released to divorce. Now this is where I stand in awe of God and how He works. It is not for us to figure out, but for us to receive and trust in Him and not question His ways for He has already planned and purposed out our lives.
About a year ago I met a man, John, who spoke into my son’s life, I remember telling him that He was the one who would bring my son back to God at some point. I only saw John a handful of times over the course of a year, just at church and then finally at recent revival meetings. We became friends and that was all I ever saw in our relationship, nothing more. One night at a revival meeting someone approached us and asked if we were “an item” and we just laughed at such a strange question. As a joke, John asked me out to dinner and before my flesh could say no, I blurted out yes.
Over dinner I shared my life story, something I had yet to do. Then we walked a nearby pier and he shared his story. Then out of nowhere we began to minster to someone on the pier and God showed us a ministry right in front of us. On the way back to the cars, we got so lost in God we found ourselves laughing and laying on the cement pier at 11 pm at night. God did something to change our hearts in that moment of time and now, here we are three months later so in love and walking in what God has laid out for us. On September 2, 2012 John asked for my hand in marriage and I said, Yes. We are getting married on December 7th at revival and I have never been happier or filled with so much peace.
I do, however, need to make this very clear. Yes, I know the divorce will not be final until November 13th and some may not see this relationship as being Biblically right, however, we both have been seeking God over this situation. For the first two weeks of the relationship we gave God our emotions and begged Him to separate us before we got any further involved if this was not of Him. Neither of us desired to be hurt and we both wanted our relationship to fully rest on God and His will for our lives. Now here we are three months later and I have been loved back together by a man who has put God first in his life before everything else and is doing his best to love me like I should be loved.
Neither of us take any credit for our finding each other. I in fact had sworn of men in my life after what I had been through, but God in His unyielding love saw to it to give me what a needed before I got what I wanted. Once I realized God had given me exactly what I needed, I was able to receive that a God centered relationship was exactly what I did want. Now I stand in complete openness with my friends and family. I am covered by the grace of God and I am safe in His arms. John and I are seeking God more and more every day and I am now in a place where I am willing to be loved back together so that I can truly be who I was designed to be by God.
Step Upon the Golden Road with Me! 