Me, Being Real

“Great peace have they who love Your law; nothing shall offend them or make them stumble.” Psalm 119:165 AMP

Ever just feel like you lost your joy for a moment?  Got sucked into the world a bit too much?  Can’t seem to explain why, but you feel the need to scream..again and again and again?  Perhaps the feeling you just want to hide somewhere for awhile or run away?  Maybe just a simple walk will suffice or a gaze upon a sunset in the west will revive the feeling you lost of being secure with Him.  There are times when I have these feelings, even though there is so much to be thankful for, these feelings seep in unexpectedly and I just want to run away, back into the open arms of Jesus.

How did I stray?  Was it distraction?  Or perhaps a mere disappointment moment?  I live for the joy in life.  I always try to stay positive and see the half full glass rather than the thirst which comes when the glass is nearing it’s emptiness, however there are times.  There are moments when I just wonder to myself, “Why are these things happening?”  When I separated from my husband almost two and half years ago I could finally see what I had been trudging through for years, muck!  I had allowed myself to drift so far from God that I was just walking through muck and not getting very far.  Like a lost sheep, I was crying but no one heard me because I was truly lost.  Saved but lost.  Does anyone get this?

I have set myself apart from the world as directed in the Bible.  I have quit smoking.  I have given up drinking.  I have tried to keep my speech clean and uplifting.  Nope, not perfect at at it, but I have a much better handle on things than just two years ago.  I have sought out the face of God during revival and He renewed my thinking and given me new hope.  I have learned to lean not on me, but only on God.  He is truly my refuge in the storms of life.  He is my fortress when I have no other place to reside.  I have searched for answers to my life everywhere which is why I was walking in the muck for so long, I was not searching in Him.  I knew He was the answer, but I thought I had a better way for some reason.  Ever feel that way?

Some recent events in my life have been fighting for my attention and steering me away from my focus on God.  My owner at work passed away suddenly a few months ago and we have new owners.  New owners mean new rules and some are just not what I am used to.  Now I have employees who are unhappy and frustrated.  My schedule has drastically changed and my sleep is varied.  This is also preventing me from attending church like I was because of my schedule at work.  I am trying to stay positive but one thing after another keeps happening, so standing my ground is become a difficulty.  My dad had his second knee surgery a few weeks ago and is residing in a nursing home because he is 79 and the healing process is taking a bit longer than the first time.  My mom who is also 79 tells me she is getting rid of all the extra junk in her apartment so that when “she goes” I won’t have so much to take care of. My youngest is preparing for her senior year of high school.  Things just seem to be piling up.

It just seems like BAM! The world hits me in the face and I have to react.  I have been praying more and seeking God, yet I feel sometimes at any moment I will lose it and run around screaming my head off thinking nothing strange about it while others who have seen me dealing with stress before begin to scratch their heads in bewilderment.  So I guess my point in this particular blog refers to the above verse: Peace.  I have to find that peace which passes all understanding, pull myself from the muck of the world and enter into His presence every morning.  I will not allow myself to be dragged down by the things of this world any longer.  I have not trudged through this life just to wallow in my own self-doubt and worldly thinking.  Surely the world wants me to react in “normal human” emotional back lashing, being constantly angry and bound by the “why me” syndrome that seems to be running rampant in today’s society.

No more pity party for me!  I seek now the face of God and choose to dwell in His presence in all circumstances.  Usually when I feel things are at their worst, God is doing His best work.  Tomorrow is a new day to  begin afresh.  No matter what I have done with this present day, I can restart in the morning because it is a promise from God.  I urge each of you reading this to examine your own lives.  Are you burdened with the world?  Is there muck on your spiritual shoes?  Had enough of the self-doubt and pity parties?  Seek His peace.  Listen for His soothing voice in the times of crisis.  Know He is right beside you even when you can’t feel Him.  Make God a reality in your life so you will not stumble or be offended by the world, but rather filled with peace at all times.

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