Yep! Being Real Again!

Psalm 54:4
God is my helper! The Lord is the provider for my life.

Sometimes you just have to step back and say, “WOW, God is really going to do that?”  Ever wondered how He does it?  What I am about to share is quite personal but because I am secure in my relationship with God, I have not much shame left when it comes to the things and thoughts of this world.  For those who are reading this and have not read my testimony, Day of Deliverance, a short version:  Married to a man addicted to drugs for 18 years.  Separated through an act of God.  Left without a working vehicle, a kitchen stove, a dryer and no gas hooked up to the trailer for 3 years.  Within six months of the separation, all those things were restored, mostly given to me or bought cheaply.  God provided then and He once again is doing it now.

During the 18 years of my marriage, I did not have the time, energy or money to take care of myself as I should have.  I focused all of my attention on survival for me and my children, while trying to keep my husband provided for.  Any spare money went for drugs, bottles and cans were taken back for nightly dinner and between work and raising two small children, I let myself physically go.  At one point I had stopped taking my thyroid medication and almost put myself into early menopause.  Yep, sacrificed myself for the sake of others.  Never once did I do anything for me.  Any time we happened to have any money left over it went to the kids.  Birthday money, meant for me, yup spent for someone else.  I never have been a self-centered person but there is a line somewhere when you have to take the steps to take care of you and somehow the line had been erased for me.

Now here I am, a restaurant manager, people person, very out going, youth leader, desiring to be a published writer and public speaker some day and I can’t even smile in public.  I never had good teeth growing up and was always getting fillings.  My dad took care of things until I was 18 and then, well I just neglected to take of them.  One by one teeth were pulled when they got to the point of unbearable pain.  Not having dental insurance we had to go to clinics and the answer always was just to pull the teeth.  Well, here I am at 41 with a broken space between my front teeth.  A few months ago my boss had taken steps to help me get my teeth fixed through his dentist.  I had a estimates done and it was not looking all that great….$5,000 was a rough estimate since I would be needing upper dentures.

I started seeing my boss’ dentist and most of the bottom work has been taken care of except for one tooth which needs a root canal at the cost of $900 and the payment has to be upfront.  Shortly after this was decided my boss passed away and since he was helping me some of the payments, my dental work stopped.  I am now stuck with the same inability to smile and just frustrated that I cannot get myself ahead enough to get to a place where I can make affordable payments.  A friend of mine gave me some money towards getting the root canal done but because of garnishments on my check from past due medical bills that were my husband’s, I just could not get the money to have the procedure done.  So I just decided, I will have to wait until tax return time to get started again….then God stepped in and intervened!

I had gone to a Date with Jesus soaking, where we just sat and listened for  the Lord while listening to music and reading Bibles at the church secretary’s house.  Being a writer I filled a few pages of my journal including a page of just praising God for the things He has done for me recently.  I was getting ready to leave and the secretary asked if I would like to stay for a piece of blueberry pie, I declined because I needed to get to work to do a truck order, but she asked again.  (this is where it becomes a true God thing)  She had said blueberry pie and that is my favorite, so I changed my mind and said yes.  (the pie was actually made by another church member…see how God works?  He knows blueberry pie is my favorite)  Long story shortened, the conversation turned to discussing my teeth.  We had prayed before about my teeth and so she was aware of the situation.  She asked me if I had an estimate because someone in the church who also knew about the situation said the Lord had laid it upon their hearts to help pay for my teeth.

My jaw dropped and I sat in amazement at what had just happened.  I gave up on getting my teeth fixed for awhile and the moment I did, God went to work on my behalf.  I tear up every time I think about it and I can just feel how much God loves me.  I know He has great plans for me and this is just another step towards the end goal.  He has also promised me a new home so that I can finally step over the last hurdle to becoming free of my old life and it’s memories.  I cannot explain to you in great enough detail the love God has for you.  He truly cares for His children and will do anything to provide for them.  He has done so much for me in such a short spanse of time it is just amazing.  As I am entering into the final stages of my book, the healing process has just been wonderful, God knows what He is doing.

I urge you take a moment and examine your own life.  What are you holding onto that God wants you to let go of so He can take care of you?  So often we hang onto things because we feel we need to fix them ,since we are the ones who made the wrong choices in our lives to begin with.  Let go.  Let God work out your testimony so that He may be glorified!  I am not sure where I would be if He had not stepped down and gently picked me up out of the mess I was in.  Where would I be if He had not placed persons in my life who urged me to get an order of protection so my husband could not come back home after only 4 days in a mental hospital?  I know where I would be…wandering around in the desert for another 40 years.  Surely God provided in the desert but destinies where not being reached. Let go of it!  Allow God to work it out on your behalf in ways that you could never come up with!

He truly loves us all like a Father.  After all if one of is lost, He will come searching and I can pretty much guarantee He will scoop us up no questions asked and continue to love us, holding us a little bit closer than before.


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