Here I am again Lord.
How many times have I said this out loud into empty air? Here is my marriage. Here are my children. Here is my job. Here are my finances. Here is my house.
I choose to surrender.
Repeat. Here is my marriage. Here are my children. Here is my job. Here are my finances. Here is my house. Oh! And here is my health.
Take it all Lord, I lay it down.
And again I say repeat. Here is my relationship. Here are my children. Here are my finances. Here is my gutted house. Here are my insecurities. Here are my wounds. Here are the what ifs.
Last time Lord, I promise. Here at Your feet I let it go.
Who wants to make bets I will be there again? Standing at the altar. Droppin’ it all like it’s too hot to handle. Tears streaming down my face. Begging God to move my mountains. Surrendering it all in hopes that God will just wipe away the tears, pat me on the back and send me on my way.
In the past year I have come to learn that in order to trust the Lord I first need to believe He will take care of my needs. I have to be willing to know He has it all under control. I have learned that loving myself and knowing who I am in Christ is very important. And lastly, I am not wanting to go around this mountain any more. I’m tired. I’ve been in the same place one to many times with the same issues and concerns. I’m not quitting, I am just going to sit down for a minute and rest.
The question then becomes, how to move off the mountain or at least move upwards? How do we stop these cycles from happening again? In my personal opinion, heal. Take the time to rest and heal. Learn that trusting the Lord begins with believing in Him. Get reacquainted with yourself. Learning that you are wanted. Your are loved. You are important. You are good enough. You are equipped. You are worthy.
Once we begin to accept the truth of who we are then we can start to truly heal from our wounds. As we start down the road to better health both mentally and physically we begin to see things differently. As we are being mended by the Lord we begin to think and speak differently. We can say yes in the right places and say no to those things that once harmed us.
This my friends is where freedom resides. As wisdom takes over and the choices we make are God centered we begin to feel a joy rising up within. No longer are we bogged down with depression and the mully grubs. We start to feel refreshed. Renewed. Revived. Life begins to make sense again. No longer are we defined by our past but we are living life in the moment with a bright future shining just up ahead.
Yes, there will still be some repeating until you have gone through all the levels of healing but God already knows that. He is standing right there with you. He is ready to apply the healing to your wounds until you are completely healed. He loves you that much.