Old Ways

“Yet you say, ‘The old ways are better,’ and you refuse to even taste the new that I bring.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭5:39‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Ever done something the same way over and over again? Have you spoken the words, “This is the way my parents did it”? Heard the phrase about insanity?

Doing the same thing over and over again witb no change in results.

I have been stuck in patterns of, “ Let’s try this again” only to discover I was repeating my own mistakes. I was doing what felt normal. I operated from a place of familarity. I was doing EXACTLY what I thought was going to make my life better. BUT. I was just going down the same path I was before.

I think the reason why I thought the path was different was because I was happy. The path was exactly the same as before. All my other relationships started out this way so of course the path looked familiar. It looked safe. It was inviting. It wasn’t until the third twist that I began to see I had fallen for the insanity.

Whew. This is hard stuff to write. Self examination is never easy. However, nothing will ever change unless we examine what brought us to the third twist along the path. I won’t bore you with details but I will give you a snapshot of the paths I have been on in life. All with their own ups and downs but all ending with a shattered heart.

Girl meets boy.
Gives in.
Goes along for the ride.
Does things out of her character.
Makes adaptations.
Puts God on the back burner.
Fast track to romance.
Engaged. Married.

My relationships have been an episode of the Fast and the Furious. I think I was so afraid of being alone, discarded, left behind or rejected I nevet took the TIME to really see any of my relationships for what they were. If I had slowed down and not been so eager to be loved and accepted things may have turned out differently.

Now to say there wasn’t any good in all of those years would be a lie. Through these paths I have gained wisdom and insight. I have two beautiful children. I have grown closer to God. But above all, especially in this last season, I have learned I have worth. I have been able to see that it’s not about a hairstyle or color. Neither is it about short skirts and high heels. Nor does it matter the eyeshadow color or amount of bling.
What matters is my heart.

I am learning to be myself. I am allowing myself to wait. (Not that its easy). I pause before responding. I hold back the feeling of wanting answers. I have tamed the rush. I am learning contentment. I am asking less questions. Pushing away the doubts. Trusting. Waiting. Learning. Enjoying every step of life.

I understand true relationships have to go beyond appearances. What once brought me to the fast track had to stop. I had to refocus my thought patterns not selfishly on myself but to truly see my worth. I had to show myself I had value by allowing God to heal me from past hurts and regrets. I had to slow down long enough to let God into the pain. I had to trust Him with my heart.

I want to leave you with this. Be true to yourself. Don’t change who you are to be with someone because of the fear of lonliness. God is with you. Be free in your relationships. Anxiety does not belong in the definition of romance. Don’t be fooled by the path. Begin to see it for what it is. Learn to embrace the anticipation of what is coming. Lastly, be patient. Allow yourself to be pursued. Let love take it’s course.

Be still.
Be you.
Be true.

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