You did it: You changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I’m about to burst with song; I can’t keep quiet about You. God, my God, I can’t thank You enough.
A lot can happen in fifty years. A lot can happen in thirty-two years. A lot can happen in a year. Yet, God can take one instance and change your whole life. You could have the wrong perspective for ten years and in one instance He can have you arrive in the right place at exactly the right time so that you can hear one sentence that changes your entire perspective. Sometimes it comes in a word. Other times through a movie. Perhaps a book. On the radio. From a billboard. It does not matter the form it comes in, we just know in that instance it came from God.
I have had two instances in my life almost exactly 10 years apart from each other. Both times the Lord said He had something better for my life, I just had to choose which direction I wanted to go. The first time freed me from a 18 year marriage. The second one I still am sure what I was released from, yet I have known from the moment it happened that I was being protected from something. I knew in my spirit God was in those moments. I could hear His voice. I could feel His presence. Even though in both of those places I had no idea what my tomorrow would look like.
There were lots of questions for God in these suddenly’s. I was standing there with the shattered pieces of my heart right in front of me. My hopes. My dreams. My idea of what love was. My future. All I could do was look up. If I moved I would walk right on the remains of my heart. If I turned around to go back I would have repeated the same mistakes. I knew I needed a change of heart. A change of thinking. A change of perspectives. I had to get back to God’s plan and not mine.
As I sit here in what used to be my kitchen, staring out the window on this blustery day in Michigan, I cannot help but feel God blowing the dust off of my life. I feel peace coming. I feel a new sense of who I am. A new me who is not defined by my Facebook likes or how many people read my blog. A new definition of my value to God. A revelation on how much I am truly loved, not by man, but by God Himself. I see His delight when I seek His face. He lights up the room when I choose to rest in Him at the end of the day.
I don’t know if marriage is in my future again, I am leaving that up to God. I thought I had done that last time. Perhaps the wounds I had buried so deeply just were not healed enough to keep me from seeking the wrong kind of love and acceptance. I don’t know, but I trust the One Who does. God has me in the palm of His hand, He has been sheltered under His Massive wing. I am where I am today because of His grace and love. He has kept me safe from many things. In this time of quarantine I am choosing to allow Him to fix the remaining broken pieces of my heart so I will be ready for the next adventure.