Got Ugly Past?

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,

They say honesty is the best policy and that’s how real I will be tonight.  I have seen some good things in my life and I have also seen some bad.  They also say you have to take the good with the bad, but why?  It’s like swallowing a pill without a liquid to wash it down, it gets stuck.  Another saying is bad things happen to good people, which is true but good things also happen to bad people, we just don’t publicize that one as much.  The point of my blog today is simple….we cannot hide what hurts us, it will sneak up in the most inopportune times in our lives.

When I was around the age of five, I was molested.  I was placed in a shed, doors where closed and inappropriate touching and kissing took place.  I spent some time in counseling when I was 18 and I thought I had walked out the whole process of forgiving and leaving this in the past until just recently.  I have had several shady relationships and have been taken advantage of in several ways but I did not add these all up together.  Never knew why I could not stand small spaces.  Never could quite understand why kissing was hard for me.  Really confused sometimes why it was hard for me to receive love.

As most of you know I recently got remarried to a wonderful man of God who loves me so deeply it’s hard to accept at times.  Just recently I was pushing him away and I had no comprehension as to why I would do this to someone who treated me like a princess twenty four seven.  Well last night at about midnight I was flooded with all of the ugly stuff from the past.  Yes I had dealt with the molestation but I never dealt with all the other “little” things which happened after that.  I had let these things just simmer somewhere in my past, not giving them a second thought….until last night.

Last night Satan decided to show me a whole picture show of my past violations and it hit hard as ever.  It took until two in the morning to walk through the forgiveness process. I cried, I tried to hide and I even tried to run but Jesus would not allow it.  He used my current husband to pull me out of my funk and show me the right way to feel.  I let go all of what was hindering me and the freedom which flooded my soul was explainable.  I have not forgotten what happened but the pain and hold it had on me is completely vanished.  I now can fully love my husband for who He is and not for what Satan was trying to show me he was.