Why Did I Wait So Long?

Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Ever fought hard to attain something and once you get it, you move on to the next thing before you even take time to enjoy it? Have you ever been in a place where you can’t stop being prepared for the next hole to fill? Been so stuck in a cycle that in your mind will never end. Always battle ready. Always prepared and planning for the next disaster. Forever thinking about what you will do when the next disaster or trauma occurs. Me! Pick me! I can answer a very loud resounding YES to all of the above.

It started so many years ago and I wasn’t even aware it was happening. It was little trauma after little disaster that led me to get on the endless merry go round of being battle ready. Year after year. Days of endless praying and preparing. Weeks of making sure I could survive the next season. Each time the previous season ended I was ready to spring into action again for what laid ahead.

When my last husband left me in a home which was completely gutted, the first thing I did was search for a clawfoot tub to put in the bathroom. It was something I always wanted after only have a shower in the house. I found a good deal on a sale sight. Rounded up the necessary means to have it brought to the house. Refurbished it with my son. I was so excited! BUT. The house still had no walls or ceilings. It was cold. I mean very cold. So the tub remained unused.

Fast forward almost three years and now the house is nearly finished. There are walls and ceilings and floors. There is a complete kitchen. A beautiful dining room. A cozy living room. And a completely restored bathroom. Yet the tub remained unused. I had every excuse in the book. Newly married. Have to take everything out of the tub to actually take a bath. It takes too much time. And on and on and on…

Well today was the day I chose to stop planning for the next disaster. I quit waiting for the next trauma. I chose to stay in the beautiful season I am currently in. The flowers are in full bloom and so is my life. I chose today to use my beautiful tub and let the rest of the world move around the sun without a single worry from me.