“I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love, waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me. Only God is my Savior, and he will not fail me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭62:5‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I aquired a new kitten this weekend. She is full of energy and adapting well. However, my other cat, LuLu is NOT happy. There is a little less hissing today so perhaps they will be friends soon. This new addition to the family has stirred up some questions and frankly I wasn’t surprised by the answer.

I have never really had an attachment to pets. Now don’t go calling the pet police on me, I like them, I take care of them and I enjoy their company, there is just something in me which prevents me from getting too attached. Almost as if I am protecting myself from pain. I know they won’t be with me forever and I am so busy trying to keep myself from disappointment I refuse to get too close.

So I asked God why this was. He told me it was because there is a pattern in my life where I assume I will be left behind or abandoned so bonding was just something I thought was unwise for my life. As soon as it was said I could see it. There is a long list of people who have exited my life and it has affected me.

It’s not that I don’t trust, it is a matter of deciding not to get too attached to anything because sooner or later it will be gone. I have lost friends. Been divorced twice. Lost several cars and a house. I have lost money and belongings. I have changed churches and jobs. My parents have passed away. And yes I have had pets pass away.

What has this left me with? A sense that nothing will ever be with me for long. This being the case I can easily let things go because I already was prepared for it to go. I have premeditated disappointment. I grieve but usually not for long. When someone does not bond, it is a easy thing to do. My second husband leaving hit me like a ton of bricks, yet it wasn’t long before I let it all go. Even though I thought we would be together forever I guess a part of me just expected this to happen.

All I can do now is release all of this to God and allow Him to heal me. I am ready to be able to believe I will not be abandoned. I am willing to let my fear of being left behind go. Everyday is a new chance to allow healing to take place. We all deal with disappointment but we don’t have to live EXPECTING it. We should be able to bond , to love and to properly love people in our lives without the fear of people leaving us.
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1 thought on “Unattached

  1. Timothy Allen Monroe June 2, 2020 — 2:30 am

    Very well said.

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