Seeing Jesus

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

As strange as it may sound, I am at a loss for words tonight.  God has had me go through every emotion possible today.  I will just tell you this much, sometimes things are not as they seem, yet they are.  We can never pretend to even begin to know what God is up to or why some things happen in our lives.   When we try to wrap our minds around what God is doing, we fail to understand, but when we look through the eyes of Love, it is all so clear. If you read my blog on Ridge Walking, I stated I was dealing with loneliness and God took over my mindset and showed me I was never alone.  Today He filled me with peace, then joy, then remembrance, followed by bittersweet memories, then onto grief and finally resting on love. His love.  His greatest power for without love we cannot overcome anything.

As I am standing surrendered to God concerning my marriage, I begin to long for what once was.  My family.  My 2 kids and a husband.  My household that once may have seemed whole but never really was.  I wonder how I ever thought I was fooling anyone.  The guilt and shame washed over me briefly today but was gone in an instance with one reminder it was all done at the cross and in alone in Christ I stand.  While my heart aches for my family, I also know that God’s timing is not mine.  I wait in impatience sometimes when I cannot seem to see Him at work.

Tonight was pretty heavy hearted.  As I transitioned through emotions it was like God was giving me the joy first so that I could handle the pain.  It was as if He was preparing me to hear some things and He wanted me to be in the right frame of mind.  He was trying to get me to a place with Him where the things spoken to me would make sense.  As I stood wrapped in the arms of a dear friend tonight crying my eyes out, she spoke wisdom into me and told me the heart of the Father, only to discover a few hours later that God wanted me to hear these same words again but this time by divine appointment.  For you see, when we open ourselves to the heart of God, we will always reap what we sow.  Tonight as another friend reached out to a man in restaurant, this man in return, spoke almost word for word what I needed to hear to confirm the first encounter I had that night.

Friends I share this to tell you this:  God loves you right where you are at and you are so special that He knows how to send the right people to the right place at the right time.  For instance, tonight I was at a Christian music festival in Muskegon.  First God used the teens that were to show me acceptance.  Then He sent my friend in who filled me with joy.  Then another friend who showed me compassion.  After this a person all the way from Washington to perform two songs which just spoke to the very core of me. After which came the friend who held me as I cried and finally a man of God whom we reached out to.  God orchestrated my entire evening and even though I was expecting to just attend a concert, I received so much more than I could have ever expected.

In the end as I prepare to rest for the night, I am thankful to God for sending me one friend in particular.  The one who is showing me how to trust again; the one who believes in me and can be brutally honest with me without letting me have any doubts.  This person is showing me Jesus like I have ever seen Him before and he is so humble about it every step of the way.  God knows my broken places and as I prayed for someone to come into my life, God provided, but not how I thought it would happen.  I long to be whole again.  I long to trust again.  I long for love again, perfect Jesus love.  My heart is so in love with Jesus and when God sent me His Son to die on a cross for my sins, He was asking me to trust in Him for ALL things, even real, genuine, conquers it all…..LOVE, I now I feel as though I can hope again as my faith increases.