Looking For the Cliff

Romans 1:12
When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Faith is unseen.  It is something we hope for.  Basically it is something we just are confused about.  Moving in faith means that from the moment you put yourself in the position to jump, you are surrendering yourself.  You, in that one moment of movement, are letting it all go and trusting the unseen around you to catch you if you fall or to work on your behalf while in the process of jumping.  Once you land back on your feet, everything seems to have just fallen back into place and your feet are set in motion to move forward in a new adventure.  Using your faith is like getting to the end of cliff situation in your life and jumping, letting God carry you across the great divide to place you gently in the direction you should go.  This is almost exactly how it happened with me the night God showed me how to take a leap of faith and trust Him completely.

Now, I don’t want to give away a lot of my book before it comes out, however, it is relevant that I share this tidbit with you tonight.  As I was sitting in a hospital room while my overdosed-on-drugs husband was literally fighting to live, I had to ask myself some questions:  Do I want to just keep quiet and go on with this type of lifestyle?  If I tell the nurse what repercussion will come from Brian? Did I trust God enough to take care of me if I made the choice to explain what was really happening?  At this point in my walk with God, I had been mentored by a pastor friend and we were listening to God intently.  As I sat in that room listening to the raspy sound of my husband fighting to breath and watching the heart monitor nearly stopping at times, I decided to take a huge leap of faith.  I chose in that one moment of time to trust God like I had never done before.  I stood up, got in the ready position and just jumped.

After telling the nurse about the 18 years of drug abuse and what we had been through in the last year, all fear left me.  As I retold the scenario to the doctor, my strength was renewed and as I talked to the social worker, I was beginning to feel the hope returning to my life.  As I continued this “jump” I got an order of protection just four days later, sealing the faith I had in God that He was now in control and I felt safe again.  As He gently placed me back on solid ground, I knew my hope would soon be back full force and I was headed in the right direction.  Separating from my husband was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I was scared to be alone raising two teenagers.  Even though all of our money usually went to support his habit, I feared how I was going to support myself and two teens on my income alone.  I faltered a bit when I was denied any help from the state, including food stamps.  I wasn’t sure at some points I had made the right choice, but looking back over the last almost 3 years, God has provided in His own way.  Sure I have moments where I am panicking when the money just does not seem like it will cover, yet it always does.

Now I stand at the last piece of the “peace” to come, my trailer. I have been in prayer for so long about my house.  There are several things which need attention, yet I just cannot stand to be here anymore.  So many bad memories as I look at the missing walls and the ripped carpet.  The rotted doorway and the lack of doors on most of the rooms and the disorganization, which I just cannot not push myself to deal with.  I just feel trapped and I want out.  Sure I could spend money and fix all the things which are wrong, but it would not change how I feel about this place.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of great memories here, but the key to putting my past completely behind me is getting a new home.  Recently I have been offered a home which is PERFECT.  It has room for my dad to move in.  It has space to make into a Mary Kay room for my clients and their friends.  It has land behind it for some quiet times with God amongst the trees.  It is perfect and the way it came to me was totally God!  The persons whom we are living there now are good friends of mine and they want to move to a different city, soon.  Recently they lowered the price and now once again I am taking a leap of faith and jumping off the cliff.  I do not have good credit.  I am making ends meet without much room to spare, however, I feel the hand of God gently pushing me and I am ready to take that plunge.  If God has brought me this far, He surely will carry me through to the end, even when my mind and flesh are not so willing to go.  Besides if the timing is not right and a loan is not the answer, I know God has something else in mind.  Before they lowered the price I was seeking out a few options, one of them being selling my dad’s home so we could use that as a down payment.  I was also going to start researching banks and options for buying a new home.  Every time I tried though, I felt something was holding me back.  Now part of it could have been my mind set:  How on earth do you think you can afford it?  Is it really God in the situation?

I never pursued the dream of this house.  Each time I would set aside time to call, something would come up and then I heard this small voice saying, “wait for the book”.  Perhaps the selling of my book will help me finance the home.  I am so trying to hear from God so that I am making the right choice yet I feel it in my spirit, not my gut, my spirit that this is right and I am ready to take that leap.  Living by faith takes practice.  God shows us with the little things first and then takes us onto the bigger ones.  Just like provision for my family.  Within six months of my separation, we had the heat turned back on after not having it for three years, all of our appliances were added to the trailer and I got a drivable van.  God provided it all.  Then in the recent past, He provided for me personally by giving me the money to get my dentures which I am in the process of getting.  If God can provide $5,000 for that why not $100,000 for a new home and a brand-new beginning for my family?  Nothing is too big for God and I think this is a stumbling block for many of us because we put a limit on what we think God can do.  You will know right away if something is not of God, your spirit man will know if you are in tune with him.

Faith takes surrender.  In surrendering whatever it is TOTALLY to God, we can jump.  It all begins with that personal relationship with God.  Sometimes it takes going to church and interacting with prayer partners on Saturday nights.  Perhaps it’s more quiet time away from this things we get distracted by every day.  Maybe it’s choosing the right friends to be with who will uplift us and are not afraid to point out the truth.  Often it just takes us closing our eyes, raising our hands toward heaven and telling God we are ready to jump.  Trust me, He will be there.  Once you jump and you see His goodness, you will be looking forward to the next cliff in your life.  You will want to see what He has in store for you next and as your faith grows, others will see it and begin to want to seek God on their own.  Yes, sometimes I think my story is too good to be true, yet I know my loving Father is watching over me all the time and all He is, is GOOD.