The Never Vows

Here I am in the middle of nowhere in the upper peninsula of the beautiful state of Michigan. God’s Glory can be seen, felt & heard in this little house between two lakes. He has created a place for us to step away from the busyness of our days to rest.

This trip is to celebrate three years of marriage. A marriage I had vowed would not happen. After two failed marriages, I was not willing to do it again. I told God. “Nope” ” Never again” “Not Interested” “You will not change my mind”…..yet here we are, together, married and at peace.

How often do our new chapters begin with a sudden change of heart? A new beginning? A renewed sense of direction? A “Ahh Ha moment? It always takes a new perspective to start a new chapter, but who changes our perspective? For me, it has always been God. He will bring me new insight to think about either through people, places, or His Word. Often, He keeps at it until the brokenness in me sees the love He is trying to pour in.

When we have been broken over and over AND over again, we sometimes refuse to open ourselves up to possible tragedies because the last thing we want to do is feel the pain again. We are so weary from the last time someone wounded us that we can not see where anything good could come from a new relationship. We are stuck in old mindsets, old patterns, and wrong perspectives. Not to give credit to the enemy, but he has done a good job creating a counterfeit to everything God has set out for good. He is the master manipulator of our emotions and does it by hiding behind smoke and mirrors. His distractions are often leading to roads that are better left untraveled.

I myself have traveled some of the roads and perhaps you have too.  Thank God for the  turn arounds! Thank God for the redirection! Thank God for His unfailing goodness and mercy. So many times, I found myself in trouble with no end in sight, but then God shows up and says, “Go this way, turn around. This is not where I am leading you.”

How did I get from “Never Again” to “Yes Lord”? It was not an easy road. It often was not a pleasant walk. It was a rocky place to be, and I would realize that was not God’s desire for me. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to figure it all out. I had no desire to be in a relationship where I did all the work to keep it together. Nothing in me wanted to subject myself AGAIN to the manipulation of another man. I was not willing to submit myself to following the voice of a man who I thought was after God’s heart. I had been there and lived that life.  As a matter of fact, I may have laughed when God suggested my now husband to me. I had made so many “never” vows I could not see through the wall I had built around myself. I had carefully built a fortress around me to protect me from being hurt once more. The “DO NOT ENTER” sign was posted in bold lettering.

Thank God He made a way for me to remove those bricks. Each moment of forgiveness. Each choice to let it go. Each instance of choosing God’s way and not mine dismantled the wall, which led me to the most beautiful of places…acceptance.

As days turn into months and months into years, I must admit the peace of a right relationship has seeped into my very core. I know this is the right path. I know this is the right place. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is the right place for my heart.

I never want to stop evolving into what God has already ordained for my life is a much better “never” than the ones I had three years ago. I want to walk in full confidence that the Lord knows better than me the path I should be walking.  When I stopped trying to figure things out and trust the Lord, life wasn’t such a struggle. I keep going back to the verse in the Bible, ” Thy will be done.” This is the verse that takes the pressure off of us and allows God to have His way.

My prayer is simple these days, “Yes Lord.”

May His will continue to be done in my life. May the healing continue until every single “never” brick has been removed.