The Crooked Cross

As I sat down at the kitchen table this morning on our annual mother daughter trip, I looked up to see the cross. A crooked cross kinda off kilter. It’s a bit flawed if you will, but a cross none the less.

Having yet to wander out to find coffee, drinking filtered well water, I pause to reflect on my life as a Christian woman in a very crooked world. Life as we knew it changed in the last few years. Sometimes, I can not tell if the Christian society as a whole is going forward or backward. Are we winning souls to Christ? Or are we scaring them away? Do we live a life of seeking Him first? Do we trust Him at all to save us from what this world has become?

Well, I don’t have the answers to those questions and can only speak on my behalf. I was saved at the early age of six. My walk with the Lord has been off and on again throughout the years but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt the Lord has been with me even when I chose not to hold His hand or listen to His advice. I have been battered by the storms of my life, yet I stand firmly on my foundation of Christ. He has rescued me more times than I can count, and surely, as His Word states, He will never leave me or forsake me.

To be all that I can be for Jesus means reading the Word of God, being kind to others and myself, living a life that magnifies the Lord, taking care of my body, living by the standards of the Bible, tithing, giving to others, having compassion, forgiving those who did me wrong, loving unconditionally, not leading others towards temptation, sharing the Gospel, praying, praying with others, sharing in the grief of others, inviting people to church, worshipping the Lord, singing praises to God and just about a hundred other things I cannot think of at this very moment. That is a lot to carry in a cross. No wonder our personal crossed are misshapen, crooked, and kinda off kilter.

Recently, I went to see the Barbie movie with my daughter. I had not expected to cry. I know there is a lot of controversy about this film, but that’s not a conversation I have the energy to discuss today. There is a moment in the movie where I felt the character was speaking right to me. Her words are still echoing in my head.

I am Enough!

During my travels as a Christian woman, I know my cross has been altered. Mental abuse. Sexual shame. Not meausing up. Not being good enough. Not fitting in. Being abandoned. Being cheated on. Financial difficulties. Cant seem to anything right. The list is long, BUT God saw fit for me to wear a crown as a daughter of the King and He says that I am Enough. I was enough. And I will always be enough.

I start and stop so many things. Why? Because something is broken on the inside of me. If I don’t get the attention I am looking for when I post something or do a live video, I tend to move on to the next thing in hopes it will get me noticed. What is the broken part? It’s not about nor will it ever be what I am truly about. It is all about Jesus. He is the one I want people to see when I blog or do a Facebook live, but because I often feel the sting of not being enough, I stop. I second guess myself and try another approach.

I would love to make the statement that I will be more consistent and confident with my blogs & live videos, but I know me. God is still working on me and developing me. He is adamant about getting me to see myself like He sees me. I can be all that I am created to be, I just need to heal. It’s not a magic wand or expensive therapy that will heal my heart. It’s Jesus.

So, in a nutshell, this morning, while drinking my filtered well water and staring at the crooked cross before me, I hear the gentle whispering the Lord, “Brenda, know that you are Enough.”

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. – 1 Peter 2:9