Looking at all the shattered pieces of life. Seeing them scattered to and fro. Big parts here. Little ones over there. Tiny shards of me that once made sense. Like the pieces of a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle it looks impossible to put back together. It will never again look like the picture on the cover of the box. Might as well just put all the broken, jagged parts back in, close the cover and give up.
I went to church Sunday morning and laying on the altar was a tiny piece of red stained glass. I am sure it wasn’t left there on purpose but I’m glad it was there for me to see. As I looked at this part of something which was once whole, I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit. I picked it up. Held it in my hand and felt the love of the Father wash over me.
“Can I have that last broken piece of you?”
This last year of my life has been so hard. Sure. I put on a face and my acting shoes and walk in great faith on the outside, but the scene on the inside tells a different story. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t have a clue how this house will ever be finished. I cant fathom who will help. Can’t guess where the money will come from. I don’t want to fail. I want to do this right. I want to trust God 100%.
Today, as I pondered that tiny piece of beautiful stained glass, I pictured in my mind a put-back-together me. The picture wasn’t pretty. Things just didn’t seem to fit right. Something was not fitting. And the revelation came that I am trying to force things to fit where they don’t belong. I am trying to fix myself and I realized I don’t have a clue what the plan is!
Ah! But then peace came when I realized I can just take ALL of me, every broken piece, part and shard and simply hand them over to God. He has the plan. He has the power. And guess what? He created me in the first place. Who could ever put something back together the way it was meant to be but the One who created me in the first place?
So what now? I choose to give every bit of my brokenness to God. My shattered dreams. My deflated hopes. My withered spirits. ALL OF IT. I choose to live by faith and not fear. I choose to allow God to go in to the deepest parts of who I am and do a new thing! I choose to let Him put me back together with all of the pieces, holding back nothing.